YOU KNOW WHAT I ABSOLUTE DESPISE?

[Rainbow-Lord Crowmunculus]

^ Yeah, about that fic - I started reading it when it first came out because I was intrigued by the premise of taking the abuse in the series at face value. I LOVE alternate character interpretation pieces, see, and I love it when people explore darker themes that are usually glossed over...buuuuut that's not what happened in this fic :B

I go in looking for serious fic with a realistic portrayal of domestic abuse, aaand I leave soon after when I realize that the author does not understand the concept of the Hyperspace Mallet. What I really got sick of was how every chapter had Winry fucking things up further, and it read less like an honest exploration of an abusive mindset and more like LOOK AT THIS BITCH DOING SOMETHING WRONG, JUST LOOK AT HER, SHE CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT BECAUSE SHE'S A BITCH.

I love slash, you guys all know that. But never at the expense of the women characters.

The majority of slash is written by women, and a very good number - wouldn't be at all surprised if it was the majority, they're the majority in the slashers I know personally - of those women are queer (whether they realize it or not. I thought I was straight when I first started slashing, and it was through slash that I realized, OH WAIT. But it took me a while to "get" it, and looking back now I see a lot of hints I missed back then. It's like a rite of passage for many fandom glbt girls. Like the gym teacher crush, or Girl Scout camp counselor hero-worship. Girl Scout camps are magnets for lesbians and other girls who like girls, I swear. Most of the counselors are and a decent number of the kids will realize that they are, and look back to the love-letters scented with their own deodorant sent to their favorite counselor and go "oh, right.")

MY POINT BEING, it's what's called internalized misogyny and it's the result of an inherently sexist society. Bashing of female characters in slash is a depressingly common trend, even in slash written by women who like other women. It sucks and it's not right, but here's the real kicker: society as a whole is much more critical of women writing women in a bad light than men writing women in a bad light. (An interesting test: look at a 'weak' female character. Now look at who wrote her. For many 'weak' female characters, they've been written by men. Who does fandom blame? The character. Because it's totally a fictional construct's fault that it wasn't written well.) When people criticize women slash writers for writing women in a bad light, a lot of the time they fall into the same behavior they're condemning. Fandom is more likely to complain about sexist female slashers than sexist male writers in the source material.

And FUCK NO I am not saying that's what you're doing here!!! XDDDD I'm just hijacking the topic to talk about the people who do. You are handling this very, very well and I also feel your frustration. The problem is thankfully a rare one in well-done FMA slash (a lot of my favorite FMA slashers write/draw awesome het and femmeslash too) but I see it a lot in the stuff written/drawn by younger fans, especially at ff.net and dA. (It happens with older fans too, as the fic in question here proves, but it's much more common with young girls, which just makes me want to cry.) Hopefully, they'll grow out of it, and realize that they've also been wronged by the women-blaming shit they contributed to.


But I do have a major major major problem with this: "would never have tolerated abuse from anyone". That's putting blame on the victim of the abuse, the "but they never fought back" mentality. You really never know how you will deal with abuse until you are on the receiving end of it, especially when the abuser is someone you love and trust, especially in domestic abuse. You can be the best fighter in the world, you can be confident and competent and not take shit from anyone and STILL not fight back against abuse.

And holy fuck, you'll blame yourself for it, wonder why you never said or did anything about it, wonder if maybe you deserved it because you never said no, never fought back, just let it happen, and you'll hear that sentiment echoed by society at large. You'll blame yourself for it enough already without everyone else blaming you for it, too.

This comment (trigger warning for sexual assault) on a poorly-received rant at fanficrants says it all better than I ever could. It deals with a different form of abuse, but the words still apply.

/my queer feminist agenda is pasted on ye

[bespecledcow]

Oh, whoops, I didn't meant that 'never tolerate abuse from anyone' comment that way, sorry. I mean that so often Ed and Al are portrayed in fics that, if apart, they seek comfort from people who inevitably hurt them, and it makes me mad because it isn't a part of their personality to seek comfort from anyone that maybe loves them a little bit.

Am I making sense?

[taranova]

I pretty much agree with everything Crow said. And you too bespecledcow. Even though I'm unfortunately guilty of just about everything you guys seem to hate. And now I feel bad, and I'm going to slither away into a hole.

By the way, I'm just curious -- was this fic you guys are talking about "Half Lives" by BinaryTales? Because frankly although it was a domestic abuse fic, I thought it was pretty in-character, and all the characters were bashed in some way or another. I don't know, maybe I'm too lenient on Winry bashers because I'm a misogynistic lesbian who desperately wants to have control over the men in her particular fandom. XD I'm about ninety-nine percent certain that all of that is true.

Before you all throw bricks at me because of my subconscious hate for females, let me say that I hate Two and a Half Men with all of my little black heart.

I know that there have been copycat fics just like the one by BinaryTales too though, mostly written by thirteen-year-old fanbrats who ship Roy and Ed together for not a damn good reason and couldn't write if they were slapped silly with a thesaurus.

But I do have a major major major problem with this: "would never have tolerated abuse from anyone". That's putting blame on the victim of the abuse, the "but they never fought back" mentality. You really never know how you will deal with abuse until you are on the receiving end of it, especially when the abuser is someone you love and trust, especially in domestic abuse. You can be the best fighter in the world, you can be confident and competent and not take shit from anyone and STILL not fight back against abuse.

I've seen domestic abuse from two different perspectives: first and second. I've been physically and mentally abused by my mother, physically and mentally abused by my mother's boyfriends, and seen my mom get beat by them as well. And I consider myself pretty tough. I could easily have kicked the absolute shit out of my mom. But I didn't, because there are mental CONSTRAINTS.

When it happens there's a flight-or-flight response and it gets worse the more it happens. Eventually you just flinch at everything and everyone. To this day, I actually sometimes have panic attacks if someone raises their voice at me, or moves suddenly towards me.

And after it happens, you just sit there and internalize it and wonder why it happened, and although at the beginning you might know it was wrong for that person to do that to you, you eventually blame yourself. I remember one time my mom's boyfriend yelled at me and pushed me around for about an hour while she watched American Idol downstairs, and once he left I was -this close- to jumping out my window and calling my dad. I didn't.

My point is that characters will do what the situation necessitates. Even the strongest can be brought down, because the brain is made of chemicals and neurons will do as they're programmed. In the case of Ed, he's definitely not mentally, emotionally, or physically vulnerable. If he was confronted with a violent situation that wasn't on a battleground, and if it was someone he trusted, he'd probably lash out at first and then just let it go because he has too much pride to make a big deal out of things.

Like a lion in a cage. They'll wander for a while, but give them food every day at a certain time and they'll settle into a pattern of near-docility.

I'm getting off-topic.

I do question domestic abuse fics sometimes, especially when the abused character runs off and does something like sleep with someone right after he/she has been raped (just an example). Does this happen in real life? Sure. It's a mental disorder. But the author never treats it as a disorder. The author treats it as though it's perfectly normal.

When I wrote my wangsty-shit-disaster Blue, I really tried to make sure it was in-character given the situation. I really did. I think I failed miserably, which makes me a total hypocrite and a blemish on the rim of society. But exploring the "what-ifs" was interesting. I think Crow liked it (God knows why) so maybe I haven't completely butchered the fandom.

I hope this makes sense. I don't think it does.

[taranova]

Mar 26, 2011 23:20:17 GMT -5 bespecledcow said:

Oh, whoops, I didn't meant that 'never tolerate abuse from anyone' comment that way, sorry. I mean that so often Ed and Al are portrayed in fics that, if apart, they seek comfort from people who inevitably hurt them, and it makes me mad because it isn't a part of their personality to seek comfort from anyone that maybe loves them a little bit.

THAT, THAT SO MUCH. That's what I think I was trying to say in paragraph eleven (?) of my text wall.

[helle is a SLYTHERIN <3]

You know what I despise? That I got cut from a play that I worked my ass off for just for missing two rehearsals in which I just had a cameo. It's not like I didn't have a legitimate reason, either. I couldn't walk.
So, Wednesday before last, I had to walk two and half miles home, was very dehydrated, and had severe muscle fatigue the following morning.
That evening I was supposed to have rehearsal for the play, and apparently it was fine that I missed the previous one due to a migraine, but when I can't walk, apparently that constitutes cutting me from the show.

What's more, I'm fairly certain that the girl who got my role is the same girl who also missed both rehearsals, but could walk well enough to get on facebook and tell the bitchy stage manager. When am I ever on fucking facebook? I couldn't fucking walk that day, but, yeah, let me hobble downstairs just so I can tell the SUPERSPECIALSTAGEMANAGER that I CAN'T FUCKING WALK AND I'VE BEEN BEDRIDDEN ALL DAY.
*sigh*

It's just... immensely unfair, especially since I had a grand total of SIX LINES. (like OMGTHAT'S A LOT RIGHT?!) and they're ALL in the FIFTH ACT, which, btw, we haven't even BEGUN to rehearse yet. You wanna know what I missed? Standing there. That's right. FUCKING STANDING IN A FUCKING SPOT AND THEN WALKING THE FUCK AWAY.
Yeah. Totally worth canning someone over; they were in too much pain to stand and then walk away.

Oh, and what's worse? I had to hunt the stage manager down to get her to tell me anything. So, what, were they just gonna let me miss the bus today just to say "OHLOL YOU'RE NOT IN THIS PLAY ANYMORE."

I am beyond frustrated right now. Anyone who's ever been in a show with me can tell you that I am fucking dedicated. I don't skip rehearsal for the hell of it, like some people I know. I don't sit backstage and bitch about the cast. I don't trash talk the teacher and then kiss her ass so I get power over others. I go to every rehearsal that I am required to attend, as long as I am physically and legally able (if I were to miss my bus and not get into school that day, I wouldn't be allowed to attend rehearsal by law, but somehow a local college student can)

Fuck, I missed out on a chance to go to New York because it was during fucking tech week. This is just ridiculous. I actually care about theatre, not like any number of people who are still in the fucking play. Sure, I'm not Hunter and I don't want to do it for a living... you know why? Because of shit like this. Because of catty behaviour and backstabbing and fucking drama.

I don't know, I just needed to rant about this, and I can't go on facebook because then I'll probably get bitched at for OMG NOT BEING ADDICTED TO FACEBOOK and OMG ACTUALLY HAVING A LEGIT REASON TO STAY HOME FROM A REHEARSAL.

*sigh*

[PuzzleChick]

^ I'm so sorry Slyther. *hugs* That's completely awful, what a crummy thing for them to do to you! I bet you would have been awesome in the play. =(

[helle is a SLYTHERIN <3]

^Actually, now it turns out that the stage manager said to the teacher that she'd talked to me like a week ago on the phone and told me, and that I was okay with it. This never happened, and I know for a fact that she does not have my phone number. She made no attempt to contact me, and the teacher and everyone else thought that the stage manager had told me. I had to hunt her down on Tuesday to get her to tell me anything.

So in theatre today, the teacher pulled me aside when we were practising our scenes and monologues for this unit and told me that she thought Kelly had already told me, and that if I was sure that I could make every rehearsal that I needed to, I could get my part back.

...I'm still pretty pissed at the stage manager, though. I mean, sure, I have no classes with her, but I saw her at lunch for like a week straight during the time where she was supposed to have told me. And it's not like she's afraid of confrontation whatsoever, so I really have no idea what her problem was. It's one thing to tell someone that they're being cut, but it's another thing entirely to tell the director/teacher that you told the person that they got cut when you never even attempted to contact them.

[bespecledcow]

Glad its all starting to work out, xslytherclawx!

Oh, as a late response to Tara, yes it was HalfLives I was talking about. And if the fanfic does indeed bash everyone, that makes me rather dislike it more. I hate character bashing. -_- I really have to agree with Crow here, it always seemed rather like 'Winry does something stupid because she's a bitch, etc'. Writing an abuse fanfic in and of itself isn't bad, but once again, as Crow said, the author did not seem to understand the concept of the Giant Hammer. In fact, even though I'm a huge Winry and Ed/Winry fan, I could see a possible path of abuse a non-canon fan could take. I don't think it would ever actually happen, but I could more easily see a sort of mental/emotional abuse rather than physical. Still can't really see that, but I digress.

Oh, to add to what I despise? Math. In all forms. It needs to be killed. With fire. As in fires-of-Mount-Doom.

[taranova]

xslytherclawx: Something sorta similar but less shitty happened to me! For the school musical this year, we did Wizard of Oz. I had a decent audition but didn't get cast (at all--not even a minor speaking part) because the music teacher thought I was a freshman (I'm a senior -- she didn't even look at the fucking audition sheet).

Was pissed off when I found out.

bespecledcow: Oh. D: I'm sorry! -hides-

[taranova]

Hey guys. I'm sad. What's new? I was at church practicing for the tenebrae service and I got all depressed and now I miss my poppy a ton and it's not fair because I wanted him to see me graduate (the ceremony is in three weeks) and I feel like a selfish brat and I don't know what to do. ;_; ;_; I just wanted poppy to see me grow up. And he can't. And it's not fucking fair. And when people tell me he'll be there in spirit, I feel like it's just a stupid cop-out and I know he's gone, he was just a brain, just a bunch of molecules disintegrated now. And he doesn't exist anymore except in my head.

So what's the fucking point? To anything? ;_; I loved him so much and it never meant a goddamn thing.

[PuzzleChick]

I think it always means something, to love someone. It's never pointless. I know it meant a lot to him. And well, I do believe our souls go on to do something after death and live on in people who remember us, so I do think he'll be there and he's proud. I know my words are just words and can't really fix things or actually offer solace, though. I wish they could, I'm so sorry. *hugs*

[piedpiperpluto]

*hugs Iggy and taranova*

On another note, I really hate having to explain my semi-asexuality-due-to-germophobia to people. I especially hate it when said people then start talkking about sex in order to squick me out. Augh.

[helle is a SLYTHERIN <3]

I also hate not being told that you have an "understudy" and now have to take on an extra role for the second weekend of the play - and having to find this out by going through your mother's email. (Seriously, she asked me to see if my theatre teacher had written her back. What if I hadn't read that email or my mum hadn't told me?)

Also, I hate when I'm sharing a perfectly legal shandy with a friend in France and my other friend won't stop glaring at us. It was 1%. That's barely alcoholic; I hate the taste of alcohol, why would I drink something that I find disgusting? Okay, so the freshman stalker got buzzed, but whatever, that was his fault, not mine.

[taranova]

Thanks Puzzle. I'm a lot better now. I think it was the hormones talking. '^-^

Um, in other news, this isn't really a big deal at all, but who keeps "smiting" me on these forums? ;_; I had like, seven karma and now I have five. I don't care, really; but if someone doesn't like me or something you should just say so and I'll leave. ;_;

[PuzzleChick]

^ There's no way for us to see who smites who but I can't imagine any of our regulars doing it. =/

I've been afraid for awhile that the karma system might cause contention. (Maybe we'll change it and do it like on TS and let people choose a karma number for themselves.) Even if someone is lurking and lowering karma though, that doesn't mean you should leave. I don't want you to. :<