Things They'd NEVER say

[bespecledcow]

This was a topic in the old forums that I loved. The basic idea is to take the characters of FMA, and have them say things that they never would.

So, here's mine:

Father (after swallowing Truth, thus becoming creepily sexy): I'm...too sexy for my shirt, I'm too sexy for my shirt- *dances around sacrifices, gyrating* So sexy it huuuuurts....

Greed: 'Scuse me, I'm going to go off and live as a hermit in a remote woods. Would you do me a favor and give away all my possesions to orphans?

Lust: I- I have a confession to make. I STUFF MY BRA! *pulls out many tissues, sobbing hysterically*

Al: Okay, you know what? FUCK YOU! And FUCK CATS TOO!

Scar: *Looking mournfully at wreckage left by the war, singing softly* Why can't we be friends...why can't we be friends...Why can't we be friiiiieeeends.....

Winry: Ewwww! Why would I want to touch automail? Its all greasy and gross.

(And I totally used this in the previous thread, but it cracks me up still)

Pride: God bless us, everyone!

[neoeevee]

Alternative, for Al:

"You know what? I'm really more of a dog person."

[PuzzleChick]

Riza: "I'm quitting the military to go shopping. Miniskirts are on sale!"
(And, likewise,)
Roy: "I don't like women in miniskirts." u_u

[bespecledcow]

Havoc: (while facing off with Lust) Actually sweetie...I have a confession to make. Thing is, I don't like big boobs. At all. And Mustang here and I have been having this thing on the side for a while now. I just can't live the lie anymore. Toodles!

[piedpiperpluto]

Ed: Y'know what? I'm short, and I LIKE being short.

[dearheart]

ROTFL I love this game...

Hughes: "My daughter? I'd trade her for a dog if I could...or a goldfish...or somethin' less annoying..."

Scar: "C'mon, State Alchemists! Let's all hold hands and sing kumbaya!"

Ed: "Roy is my BFF!" =DD

Meh, they're not that great...I swear I had some brilliant ones and then they just poofed... *runs off to search for them*

[taranova]

Ed: I LOVE MILK!
Roy: And I love Ed!
Maes: And I hate my daughter!
Ed: AND I HATE ALPHONSE. HE'S AN ANNOYING TWERP.
Riza: Guns are bad. *whimpers in corner*

[bespecledcow]

This is for the new FMA Movie- what I thought when I saw the wolf thingy.

Ed: WHERE WOLF?

*wolf climbs wall*

Al: THERE WOLF!



Ed: Whoa, you look like my dad!

Father: No, Edward...I AM YOUR FATHER!

Ed: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*Sort of a continuation below*

Hohenheim: Join me, Edward, and we will rule the galaxy together as father and son!


Some you may not get this one unless you've seen Zombieland.

*Ed running around in rapid circles, jumping over the puppet humans, ect*

Ed: Rule #1- Cardio!


That's all I got for now.

[theshantm]

Edward: Colonel Mustang is dead sexy...IN A MINISKIRT!
Who hasn't heard that line before? xD

[taranova]

^ XD

I actually find that line quite obnoxious. 'Tis funny though. For the record, Colonel Mustang does not look dead sexy in a mini-skirt. <3 No. Whoever came up with that should be shot.

*after Bradley stabs Martel to death in the chimera massacre*
Al: Oh my God! You killed Martel!
Ed: You bastards!

SP references FTW.

[theshantm]

^Actually, Edward's English Voice Actor, Vic Mignogna came up with that quote. xD He hates it too, now, he's had to say it so many times.
Anyways, here's my contribution:
Hughes: Bah, I wish I'd never had kids. What was I thinking?

[taranova]

...Oh yeah. I seem to recall that now. Still!

[Mina Murray]

Lan Fan: You know what, fuck Ling he can guard himself!

[amythista]

Ed: Duuuuuuuuude....you gotta be chiiiiiill, man....

/is shot

Watching Finding Nemo today killed my brain.

Al: OH YEAH, THAT'S FINE, JUST PUT YOUR F***ING GARBAGE IN THIS F***ING TIN SUIT, CUZ I'M JUST A F***ING OLD TRASH CAN!
Ed: ...;_;

[PuzzleChick]

STONER/HIPPIE ED.

...I vaguely recall a discussion about that on the version 1 forum of /TS/. It was decided that hippie!Ed would never work out. xD